The Real Reason Why You Haven’t Healed Your Trauma/Depression/Heartbreak, According to Study

The prevailing psychological wisdom of our time tells you that your current dysfunctions are probably a result of your past experiences, e.g., your painful childhood, your stupid parents, your abusive first love, and the wars, famines, and hurricanes you were forced by fate to go through. If you’re metaphysically inclined, you may even believe that your present pain has its roots in a past life, a past past life, a past past past life. (By the way, after talking to many who claim to have recovered memories from past lives, I can assure you that nobody on earth has ever had a great life in the past. Since there’s nothing new under the Sun, it’s safe to assume that a great life will not exist in the future, either. So you can stop looking now.)

You were told that healing from past pains would get you happiness. But if you’re reading this, you probably have been on the “healing path” for a long time, under the assumption that once you heal your past, you’d finally find fulfillment and freedom. That was how I looked at my life, for a long time. I went from one healing modality to another, on a quest for the Holy Grail that would bestow bliss to eternity.

Such a quest is useful, until it is not. After years of professional counseling, shamanic sessions, cleansing retreats, and chocolate cake fixes, I realized that the healing journey simply would not end on its own. If you look for them, you can always find traumas in yourself, old and new, to be healed and cleansed. A completely healed human is a mythological construct. And the quest for healing can be a rat race that is easy to get on, but hard to step off.

You could never be fully healed because healing is a concept that only exits in a world of duality where experiences are dichotomized into good and bad, right and wrong, happy and sad. Light cannot be known without darkness. Similarly, you won’t be able to define healing in yourself without also identifying trauma in yourself. As long as you live in a narrative of personal history, of how you came to be the way you are and how you’re being fixed and improved from a state of brokenness, the story of your healing journey will continue just like time extends to infinity.

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