5 Self-Hate Moves We Mistake as Self-Love

1. Chasing things we don’t want

Or — equally bad — chasing things that don’t want us.

I know it hurts when someone — or something — we had our heart set on doesn’t reciprocate. When the person we went on two dates with and were totally into suddenly stops responding to texts. When the company we had 4 interviews with responds with the vague “we’re working things out in HR” email for the third time in a row.

It hurts. It hurts everyone — and everyone has to deal with disappointment at some point.

The difference between self love and self hate, however, is whether you spend your time pursuing and letting yourself get hung up and continually clotheslined by it.

2. Checking out of our own lives

It’s one thing when others ghost us. It’s another when we ghost ourselves.

When we work jobs we don’t like, eat foods we don’t like, live in places we don’t like, lack an opinion on what to do with our days, and don’t have any plan for improving the conditions, defining our dreams by wishy washy statements like “find happiness.”

It’s even worse when we start checking out of responsibilities, letting things stack up against us like little reminders that we don’t have shit together.

I know you think you don’t care — and that it doesn’t matter when you pay the phone bill — but your self-worth keeps tabs on it. And when you’re on top of things and moving in a direction that makes you feel good, right down to doing your laundry, it matters to your self-esteem.

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