10 Things I’ve Learned About Love in the Last 10 Years

6. If someone wants to be with you, you will know.

So many people make excuses for why they can’t be in something, and those reasons may be true. But I’ve learned that if someone really wants to be with you, everything else will go out the window. I’m not referring to people making a strong healthy decision to not pursue toxic relationships. That is a good thing and happens often. I’m talking about people who say they want to be with you, but make a ton of excuses (not because they believe it’s toxic) why they can’t, like “I’m not ready for a relationship.”

Fine, even if you’re not ready for a relationship, you still won’t cut the person off if you’re truly into them, because we all want love, and we know how rare connections are. So we go in the water, even if we’re scared or “not ready,” because logic always takes a back seat when it comes to love. And yes, fear of intimacy is real, and people sabotage relationships all the time. We get afraid. We second-guess. We hesitate. But if someone’s really into you, you will know. They will make some kind of effort. They will try. They will communicate. They will not run, hide, or ghost. So the next time someone says, “I’m not ready,” know that what they’re really saying is, “I’m not that into you.”

7. No one’s ever really “ready” for a relationship.

Relationships are like having children. You’ll never be ready ready. You just do it and make things work when you feel it. I mean, what does being “ready” for a relationship look like, anyway? Self-help books, relationship articles, and seminars have created this false image of what your internal life should look like before you decide to love someone. The truth is, you don’t know when you’re going to meet someone who blows your socks off. Or maybe it’s someone you already know, whom you suddenly see differently. From what I know about life, it comes when you least expect it or when you’re not “ready.” So what do you do, turn down a chance at love because you read somewhere that you need to be at a certain “place” to love? We are dynamic, always changing, evolving, learning, falling down, getting up, getting hurt, healing, letting go, moving on. There is no such thing as ready. Because you’ll never be perfect; there is no such thing. So you just love as hard as you can with what you have, like our parents did and their parents did.

Yes, the more you invest in yourself, the more you bring to the table, but that is an ongoing process that never stops. So ready doesn’t exist. Love is a carousel, and you jump on when you see the horse you want to jump on.

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